Air – Talkie Walkie

Talkie Walkie

Karl Marx once said that religion is the opiate of the masses. In this way, religion could be used as a dangerous weapon of mass destruction. But that age is in the beginning stages of passing, and a new weapon, more powerful than any before it, has arisen, albeit quietly. Air’s Talkie Walkie is that new weapon. Let me explain:

There is hardly a moment of tension on this disc; it’s all canned percussion, crisp acoustic guitar, gentle synths, syrupy strings, soaring choruses, and fluffy bears. Air completely ditches the whole “life reflects art” shtick and decides to play God a little bit. All of the tension, sorrow, and misery of life is extracted, dumped in to the ether, and the resultant disparate happiness is stitched carefully together with the crystal-clear production of Nigel Godrich (Radiohead).

Listening to Talkie Walkie is like dreaming the most benevolent, soothing dream. Every guitar strum is timed perfectly, dodging between bass kicks and ascending just in time to avoid the soaring strings. It’s intimate music; it’s as if Air knows your innermost desires and creates a canvas on which you can paint them to your heart’s desire. It’s also addicting; one fix is never enough. Repeated listens reveal previously unperceived nuances, each adding an extra flourish to your vision.

So why is something so benign and well-meaning a potentially deadly weapon, as I rather eccentrically proclaimed in my opening paragraph? Think about it – a disc with the possibility of rendering any hard-working, ambitious businessman a slothful blob, completely content with his position in life. What if this fell into the wrong hands? I mean, the Mission Successful banner may be up in Iraq, the Soviet Union may have fallen, but is it too far-fetched to think that maybe Iraqi terrorists and USSR commie sympathizers are currently mass-producing this CD in underground bunkers, waiting to distribute the docile, dreamy recordings of Air with crop dusters via secretive cells isolated in the US itself? The evidence is there, if you look hard enough. And did I mention that Air is French?!

Notice that DOA has been put on white-and-powder-blue alert status. I trust that you will take this threat seriously. Simply listening to Talkie Walkie will dissolve your convictions in only a matter of hours! The time is now for Americans everywhere to unite and defeat this spreading pandemic. I am making a call to you, my fellow Americans – gather and burn every… every… ahhh.