Whitee – Sapphic Delight

Whitee
Sapphic Delight

I guess I should’ve seen this one coming right when I got this promo in the mail. I’m a tool, and I had to look up the word ‘sapphic’ on dictionary because I didn’t know the word. Here’s what I found – sapphic adj : of female homosexuality [syn: lesbian]. Heh. There are more than a few references to the sapphic synonym in the song titles here (“Lesbian Lover,” “Lesbian Soup,” and “Two Lesbians in Columbus”) as well.
It seems that poor Whitee here has had a few crushes that turned out poorly thanks to some mis-assumed sexual identities. Thankfully, he’s got a pretty good sense of humor about it, as some of the ‘lesbian’ lyrics on Sapphic Delight are actually pretty funny. All in all, though, Whitee’s project is just a little too Sapphic for my heterosexual ears.
The main idea here is the fairly simple nature of Whitee’s stuff. Essentially, Whitee throws down beats with what sounds like a drum machine, a casio, and a sampler. Of course, he drops his own rhymes over the beats. Surprisingly enough, Whitee’s voice comes off pretty well at times – personally, I think he’d sound pretty good fronting a band that revolved around guitars. Unfortunately, he’s no Eminem. Some of Whitee’s lines are really funny, and a few are actually witty. All in all, though, his stuff comes off like someone reciting written rhymes to a beat, rather than having a lyrical flow or style like most ‘rappers.’
Still, there’s nothing inherently horrible or anything about Sapphic Delight. It’s simply a record that seems to be made for comedic value. Yeah, I chuckled my ass off on my first listen through the record. Unfortunately, it took eight or nine tries to get through the entire disc again for a second time.
The opening track, “Jesus Just Wants to Dance” is actually really entertaining, with a beat that actually manages to keep the song interesting for four minutes. Now, as for witty, I’m still laughing over the line about “Jesus cutting a rug” … Get it? Jesus – Carpenter – Rug – Dance? Well, alright, maybe it’s just me. Still, “Jesus Just Wants to Dance” is definitely the most entertaining offering here.
Poor Whitee’s forays into his bad experiences with lesbians don’t fare so well, though. “Lesbian Lover” seems like it’s gonna start off alright with a cool sounding, almost DJ Shadow-esque beat to it, but the vocals for the track really kill the interest level. “Two Lesbians in Columbus” just sounds like someone yelling about lesbians over a generic dance/rap beat. “Lesbian Soup” is actually good for a few laughs lyrically, though – it seems that a lesbian couple Whitee is friendly with invited him over to try out their new hot tub with them one day. He declined the invitation, but the offer was inspiration for the only real interesting listen out of the ‘lesbian trilogy’ Whitee’s assembled here. Still, the stop-and-go techno backbeat gets a tad bit annoying around halfway through this six-minute ditty. Yikes.
“Jesus Just Wants to Dance” is pretty much the highlight here, so after the first track on Sapphic Delight, everything really goes downhill. The ‘lesbian trilogy’ is good for a few laughs, but otherwise, the material here comes of pretty nondescriptly. All in all, though, Sapphic Delight is a fairly humorous one-shot listen. Unfortunately for Whitee, though, one shot is all this disc really deserves.