The Distance Fighters – Last Stand in the Dust Bowl

The Distance Fighters
Last Stand in the Dust Bowl

I don’t like music for humor. Now kids I want you to go and SAVE your money. Save it and stop wasting it on phone calls to 900-numbers and zit cream, and for fucksake don’t record nonsense anymore. Landfills across the world are overflowing. Congrats if you’re in the recycling of plastics business. Just put away the marching band drums and horns and take out your crayons again. Look at that heartwarming thought of getting down on the cover.
You know what I see when I hear this band? Some scrawny red-haired kids saying “BOP BOP BOP” with arms thin as spaghetti pulling their body up a rope in the gymnasium of the JR high school PE class. With the light blue numbered tank top half tucked into the long mesh shorts. Come on, get a girlfriend. Just however you do it, DON’T try to sing her a song to win her over.
I’m not saying give up. Don’t let go of your dream or emotional release. Take that effort you put into your covering every inch of the jewel case lining with wax and the long, drawn-out one-sheet, and put it into your music. Get some sort of a job to spend time at so that you can get new recording materials. Your track “American Tiger” will be much better without repetitive skipping noises. Yes it serves as a good introduction to how disturbing the following banjo and laughing tune is.
I’m telling you, go nuts, go ahead and use more then two instruments in one song. It can even be a conventional one such as a guitar. No more bamboo clanking build-ups and twinkle piano breakdowns. We are not babies anymore, Distance Fighters. We like real songs. No one likes the sound of a phonograph needle dragging across the record. Especially when it isn’t even a record and is followed up by reindeer.
I know what you’re thinking. Sell it at the local used CD store. The thought was kind. I could use a supplement to the income. I just don’t like to be scared, and I don’t like shock value, so I’m going to give away a great suggestion. Don’t record anything unless the re-sale value is going to be at least the cost of a hammer to smash it with.